Confessions of the Undated, Part Two

My life is not defined by any relationship I have, except my relationship with God. But it seems like there are harsh stigmas for any single female, especially, who is not constantly on the look out for "Mr Right" which seems to only allow us to find "Mr Right Now". There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with good godly man, but I do have problems when it becomes an obsession and an idol. Why, dear sisters and brothers, do we build untouchable expectations in our heads, and then feel devastated when our goals can't be reached? In the words of Adam Duritz song "Hard Candy"
"You put your girl up on a pedestal. Then you wait for her to fall."

Why are we making each other jump through hoops? Surely we should just approach each other as friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and treat each other as Christ would treat us. Others first and ourselves last.

I know it's hard for us because we are taught by culture that we should "Do what is right for us!" but this Post Modern culture is also drowning in suicide statistics, murder statistics, rape statistics, and depression is being diagnosed younger and younger. We are NOT supposed to follow these foot steps, so why do we follow them in view of relationships?

A good friend recently gave me some of the best advice I have ever gotten in view of relationships, don't focus on feelings, focus on truth. All about taking minds captive and not letting our image of the perfect person, or even our imagination over analyzing every word and movement a person makes. If we look at the truth in the situation we keep ourselves in the moment, more able to be free and honest with the person, and we can more easily live!

You don't have to have a man or woman to live! Find love in God, family, and friends! Do something for someone who is a stranger, and show them love! Then the people around you! Never look back with regrets! Love God with a burning passion that is irreplaceable! Stop Waiting!!!! Start running!

The race started the day you were born and your still waiting for "Mr. Right" at the starting line! Run, run, run! Find people who encourage you to keep moving and run with them! Then perhaps one day you may realize you have found someone who wants to run right beside you! But remember they are not the goal of your life.

I myself am at the first steps of letting go and living, I am criminal with my expectations! I am also victim to my expectations, for myself and others. Expectations have a sly way of taking us from actively living into dreaming and waiting.

And as a last little note remember, you are not defined by your relationship status. Single does not mean you are unlovable, ugly, stupid, or any other lie you want to tell yourself. Marriage will not turn you into a picture perfect you. But despite all we are, we do have a love who battled a world of sin, and died for us, because he would rather die for us than be without us. Live for Him, he is more than enough.

Confessions of the Undated, Part One

"Enough already! I want off this Roller Coaster from Hades!"..... yeah that's pretty much exactly what my heart has been shouting for a month or more!

I will never be able to understand the amazing amount of abuse we humans allow ourselves to be put through! Most of which is inflicted by our own person!

Truthfully I wish my heart could come with a Handbook...no better yet "Amy's Emotional Survival Guide." Sounds wonderful doesn't it? A "How To" chapter for every possible situation! Alas, dear friends, we are not so fortunate, the way our hearts learn is through trial and error. Sometimes we have to be drug through gravel to learn.

To be completely open (which is honestly one of the hardest things for a compartmentalizer like me to do) I suck at relationships with guys! When I was young I suffered a fair amount of harassment from the opposite sex, my experiences shaped my adolescent mind to believe awful lies about men, myself, and God.

I was afraid to get too close to any male of any age, I was paranoid that every man must have horrible intentions if he was trying to be nice to me. My heart, without me realizing it, was slowly crippling.

As a child I had fantasized about becoming a woman who was beautiful and confident, and every Disney movie I had watched portrayed the classic story line of a wonderful fearless man who would be gentle and bold. As my young eyes soaked in every sweet and tender moment flashing before me I did not realize that even the best fairy tale has a villain. Innocent, naive, and hopeful with middle child syndrome (desperate for attention) that was me, a perfect target. I would blindly trust anyone, I hoped for the best in all people. As I finally began to grow into a young woman, I was ecstatic, this was what I had been waiting for! And just like Little Red Riding Hood it didn't take long for the wolves to emerge from the forest.

By the end of that battle I was so worn out and burdened I practically had PTSD, I couldn't let go, and I couldn't heal. I was afraid of everyone.I was rattled, like a lion in a cage being teased. It did not take long before I started to blame myself for how I had been treated. Even God became a victim of my stigma. He was "male" in my mind, and He let it happen. I was hurt. So at that point I couldn't trust men, myself, and then I closed the door to God too.

Lonely was easy, lonely was safe..... Yet it is not good for man to be alone. I couldn't find happiness in my loneliness. I began to see myself in such a horrible light. Worthless, who could ever see anything special or beautiful in me? Stupid, no one would ever care about what I had to say or what I thought. Ugly, no one saw anything lovely enough to take the proper time to uncover my heart.

So I accepted that I would be single, because if I couldn't find someone to really take care of the heart I was trying to give them then I would trust it to no one. So I took the first steps into the world of the Undated.

The Serenity Prayer

I am simply amazed at how many different ways a heart can be broken. A distant feeling between friends, the great unveiling of a lie, finding out the truth of how low other humans can be, and the heart breaks that hurt the most are the ones we do to ourselves. When we get caught up in a series of events that seem to be completely harmless, yet as the events unfold further and further we realize that we have led ourselves straight into just the type of situation we always dreaded.
I break my own heart constantly, by gaining my value in the value other people see in me. I care too much, and always end up getting burnt. I wish I could just shrug out of this skin of uncertainty and feel as light as air. The opinions of others seem to me like a personal chain from each person keeping me locked to the ground. Some chains are tight, some are loose, some are heavy, some are light, some made of petals, and some are made of thorns. Oh, how I wish I was free from caring! I miss confidence and certainty... I miss my unhindered smiles.
This world has broken my heart over and over, and so I gave mine to God long ago. Yet, every once and a while someone gets a piece of it. I opened up to a friend today, he said he could tell there was something wrong. I told him of a past mistake, one that had been almost forgotten, and then out of nowhere reared its head. When I was finished he admitted that he could tell there was much more buried deep inside. Of course there is, who doesn't?
I wish I could let go. I think anyone with any addiction needs to pray this prayer, it expresses almost perfectly what I desire.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Amie and the Car!

It amazes me how easily I forget about blogging! I promise to update and before I get home I completely forget! So first I would like to apologize to those I promised I would blog about Amie and the car and simply kept putting it off. Again I'm Sorry!

Amie and the Car! As I think about this amazing event I hardly know where to begin but, i think it would be best to give an introduction. I first saw Amie in Lolley Dorm where we lived. She was about the same height as I was, blond hair, and quiet. I greeted her often when we would pass, she was always polite, she would smile and say a quick "Hey Amy." before hurrying off to whatever was next on her schedule. I hardly saw her stand still, always hurrying somewhere, the only times I saw her not in motion was the rare occasion I would find her collapsed on one of the common rooms couches completely drained and dead asleep.

From the first few times I met Amie I knew she worked hard, probably harder then anyone else in the dorm. I wanted to get to know her. My roommate and I decided we wanted to invite some of the girls from the dorm to watch Hidalgo with us in our room. Amie was first on the list. I went right away to find her and another girl, Chelsea (who was just as quiet having only ever said to me "I like your glasses" ) I found Amy in the Common Room. She was grateful but sorry because she had to work that night. She then asked me to invite Chelsea.

"I want to but I can't find her." I said.

"Look in the computer room. I saw her there earlier." She answered.

I thanked her and went straight there to invite Chelsea. And as God could only plan a series of events to work out wonderfully I spent a few hours in the rain helping Chelsea "Pop the Lock" to her car door to get the keys that were locked inside.

There was an immediate connection of friendship between Chelsea and I, and I knew that night God had just given me a friend. Every meeting with Chelsea was a positive one! We were encouraging each other in tiny ways that meant so much to each other! She was teaching me so many things about faith, and the family of Christ; things I had not noticed, or simply just could not understand with my upbringing.

She began to open up about her family life, and that she seemed to always take care of herself, but God had always stepped in and provided. I was shocked! This wonderful person who was bright and loving, this girl who never whined or complained had every reason to be upset, yet she was still living as if she had never gone through a bad thing in her life. She had nothing, and yet she had so much more than everyone else.

So imagine my shock a few weeks later when she asked me for my opinion on how she should go about giving her car to Amie. I didn't even know Amie was without a car, and had to walk to work every night, as well as everywhere else! I told her to hold off on saying anything to Amie, that I would ask my dad what she needed to do, and to wait until I talked to him.

That same night I was overcome be the anxiety I had been battling with over school, Chelsea knew it, and she invited me to use the empty bed in her room. I did, and the next morning I found myself crying to her all my fears of failure and fears of rejection that comes with failure. She calmed me and prayed with me.

As I stated earlier I am constantly amazed at how God uses a long and tough series of events to bring about great things! My father knew I was hurting. He knew I needed to see him (I had been too behind to allow myself the joy of going home on weekends) even if it was only for a few hours. When I got his call I was in the middle of listening to his sermons online; sitting in a empty room with just my laptop, crying, and becoming more and more depressed, I just wanted to hear his voice.

"Guess where I am?" He said so happily I thought for sure he was teasing me about being somewhere we normally went together.

"Where?" I sniffed still trying to contain my tears.

"I just passed the Tower" Was his happy reply.

"Are you coming up here!?" I asked knowing "The Tower" was the half way point to Wake Forest and too scared to get my hopes up that he might not be coming, but he was!

My dad was on his way to see me, he knew I was struggling, and he was coming to encourage me. He drove to a local coffee shop that all the students frequent. He briefly met Chelsea, and then we drove to get lunch just me and my dad. As promised I asked him what Chelsea needed to do to give her car to Amy. His first thought had been the same one I had. "What will Chelsea use to get around in!?"

"Nothing, she is willing to walk. She says Amie could use the car more to visit her family." I said.

Then I told him some of what I knew about Chelsea, how she lived by faith knowing that God would provide for her.

"A man at church donated a car to the church to give to someone in need just this last week, lets give it to Amie so Chelsea can keep her car."

I fell apart! Immediately I began crying out to God thanking Him for providing for both my friends. We called Chelsea and told her that God had provided a way for her to keep her car and Amie could get a car for free. She called Amie and told her!

As my dad pulled up to the school to drop me off at the end of the day we looked up and saw Amie running across the campus towards us. As she got closer I saw that she was crying, she grabbed me and hugged me tightly, and then grabbed my father and hugged him as well.

"I did not think I would ever be able to get a car!"she exclaimed with tears in the corner of her eyes.

The weeks before had seemed so hard, and I felt so distant from God. I would pray "God where are you!? Have you left me!?" I had felt deserted, but God had been pulling together all the loose strings of the past few weeks slowly weaving them into a beautifully organized master piece.

While Chelsea had no clue that God was using her faith and willingness to serve others in such an amazing way, I too had no idea that my horrible fights with anxiety, and one of the biggest break downs I have ever been through would lead to one of the most fulfilling events I have ever been lucky to view. Even more amazing was that more and more people were being used to show the love of Christ through this car.

Amie's car is an old Buick Regal, and while it ran just fine, and drove smoothly it needed some cosmetic repairs: including a new wind shield which someone donated the money to pay for, a new head liner which a car interior expert put in with no charge, some minor mechanical fixes that my dad took care of, and a good scrubbin which a dear friend Mike took care of making sure the car sparkled like a new penny. The car looked great!

The day before we decided to deliver the car was Sunday, during the message my dad felt led to tell the church about the ministry of Christ that the car had turned into. The Holy Spirit moved through the church, person after person donated money to both Chelsea and Amie. I had many people empty their wallets to give whatever they had to them. I later wept at the generosity of God's people, their willingness to help and support my dear friends moved me deeply. I am still very grateful and still brought to tears when I think on it.

We left Sunday and drove straight there. When we arrived it was almost 9:00p.m. and Amie was walking to work. I called her and told her we were in town, we had her car, and we would love to have her join us for a late dinner. It was about 10:15pm when she and I made it to the restaurant. Dad showed her the car that was now hers. "Oh wow!" she said shyly. Then we sat down and told her we had something to give her from the people of our church, people that loved her and were praying for her. Dad handed her the money, and told her how much it was in all.

Amie is quiet and shy so I knew her reaction would be a sweet happiness. True to form she lowered her head and started to cry a little. Then she shocked us all by saying "This is the exact amount I was short for College tuition this year."

God was working and I was blessed to be a small part of it. I was blessed to personally see miracles happen, and needs being met by God. I needed to know He cared, and as always He proved Himself to me.

When the body of Christ joins together in harmony, when we hear the Holy Spirit speaking and we follow amazing things happen! The unthinkable gets accomplished right in front of our eyes. I want to thank my church family for being the hands and feet of Christ! Thank you for obeying the Holy Spirit! Thank you for praying for my friends! Because of your willingness to obey GREAT things have happened, and lives are changed for good! Thank you! I have been so blessed and ministered to just by seeing your love and faithfulness.

Even more importantly I want to make it known that NONE of this would have happened if not for God! He is our righteousness, and He is our provider! God help me if I doubt You again, but always remind me that You are here!

Keep Moving

Does it ever feel hard to keep moving? For me it is a feeling life has handed me many times.A good illustration would be the image of a building destroyed by fire. Hard times when you can't imagine picking yourself up and brushing off the ashes and moving on. When the heart feels so much pain and you realize the truth of what Heaven really means: no more heart ache, no more dealing with my sins, no more feeling the pain of a loved ones sin, and finally getting to dwell side by side with God, no more barriers between us.

I am finally able to breath again! The terrible feeling of drowning has slowly been taken away from me. It has been years since I have gone through such a hard time. I felt my heart breaking inside me, and the pain was just as physical as it was emotional. I could not sleep, I could not eat. I had no comfort.

At last I pulled myself from bed and went to my Bible. I held it close to my heart, I clung to it as if it were God himself. I held His word, words of comfort, love, wisdom, and warnings of trails. I knew I was holding written promises that I, being a child of God, would be taken care of. That no matter what My father LOVES me. Even in that moment, broken as I was; He also felt the hurt and the pain and the lose, He was with me, and I would be able to keep moving.

As I held my Bible to my heart and lay down in my bed I felt comfort. Warm and tender like a hug from a friend, with my Bible I slowly relaxed and gave my worries over to God, and at last I fell asleep.

Reaching Out!

It's been a good two weeks since I have been able to travel back home, this has been hard for my family and myself. School work and other promises have kept me from being able to.

Last weekend I stayed in "Wakesvegas" to sing with some friends at a gig for the local Wake Forest Coffee Company. That was amazing! Yes I was scared, and so what if the lyrics I held as I sang were shaking! It was a blast. Coming out of my shell just a little bit more, learning to take things as they come, like messing up Feist "Mushaboom" so bad we kinda had to laugh our way through it (no way were we going to stop and try to "start over").

For a long time I felt like life was easier alone, this can be true. Relationships are hard! Being courageous enough to try to talk to a stranger and put yourself out there for rejection is enough to make me frantic! And just how do you find a way to "break the ice!?"

There are about a million ways I'm sure, but everyone of us has personal strengths we should rely on.

Some people are natural charmers, and I'm not talking about the guys with the one liners.
"Hey baby! Your feet gotta be hurtin! Cause you been running around my mind all day!"
This is cheese, not charm.

Some have such outgoing personalities when they enter a room they own it! They beam such confidence that every person in the room wants to talk to them.

But sadly not everyone can "own" a room of people. Some of us have to rely on good old fashion kindness! There is a girl in my dorm who I have shared maybe two words with in passing, but I knew if we would just find a reason to talk we would be friends! Luck would have it she locked her keys in her car, she came into the community kitchen to ask advice on how to get her keys. I knew how to "pop the lock" with a coat hanger. I went outside and helped her for a good hour or so laughing and making jokes back and worth, until i ran to get someone I knew would be able to do it. We got the car unlocked with the help of a friend, and then watched Hidalgo.

Now we hang out as much as we can, and enjoy just sitting and talking about everything! She even made soy milk and let me have some! So good!

Reaching out is really hard, even scary, but good healthy relationships are worth it.

Learning and Haircuts

These last few days have been really crazy for me. For some reason my pattern here at college is to get so freaked out that I'm behind that I hurry and rush to do my work that's due within an hour. Here is the kicker though, it's never due!

I kill myself to get a project or paper complete, I stay up till two reading the book that's due then get up at five to keep reading it. I rush to class in a panic because as hard and fast as I read it wasn't enough time the book just had too much information. I sit down in my usual seat and like the panic stir around in my stomach. I glance around the room expecting to see my peers with the same "deer in head lights" shock but instead I see smiles! "Am I the only one who forgot to do the reading!?" pops in my head and I instantly label myself the class dunce.

Now, with my new title of dunce in place, I just have to wait for the teacher to stroll in and pass out a paper that I would have to sign my own failure. The door opens and in walks the always mellow professor. He looks over his wire glasses and smiles welcome to the class.

Here it comes, here it comes! In seconds I will be near tears from defeat. The professor prays, I pray even harder, then the class begins. It's a great class, and there is no mention of the reading. Surely at the end of class he will have that paper waiting for us to sign before we are allowed to leave.

The class ends, and I ask a classmate about the book, I have a whole week more before it's due! I have lost so much sleep over this book, and its a great book, but I have nearly let this overcome me! "No more!" I declare in my mind! No more will I put things off, no more will I forget the task that are due, I will be better. And I will be better right after I finish this paper I'm behind on....

I have decided to take charge of my time. I need to be a better steward with my time.

First I need to make time for personnal time with God. This is a struggle for me while attend a Christain College, sadly I have began to feel like this is all I do, from class to chapel to D-group to church. My thinking is flawed, because I spend so much group time in the Bible I have now sent my perssonal time with Him out the door. I need time with Him, I know He will help me sort out the rest of my time... why do I put Him aside so easily!

On another note my roommate cut my hair and she did an amazing job! It has really helped me feel a bit better about everything. I know God made me a pretty girl, it's just nice that others notice it too some times.

Top Twenty Things I Miss While At College

20.) I miss the family room with satellite T.V. Which is funny because I don't watch much t.v. anymore, I would rather read. However not having the three t.v.'s where I can hold and control the remote has been very sad for me.

19.) The comfort of having a clean floor! Doesn't matter how hard, long, or endlessly I clean and sweep my thirty year old tile floor it will constantly be covered in dust and hair. . . This is a really hard thing for me since my favorite chair is the floor, not anymore. . . ew.

18.) A spotless bathroom. My bathroom in the dorm could be worse. Kaylen (my roommate) and I keep our side of the bathroom as clean as we can, but I don't want to take my time to clean someone else's personal mess. I even try to ignore the dirty dishes that are piled on one side of the counter.

17.) I miss having carpet! Sounds funny I know but it's amazingly true! I being a natural klutz do not like having to catch myself at least five times a day slipping around the tile that's slicker than ice.

16.) I miss the ability to be as obnoxious, loud, and purely insane as God made me to be! Having to pull back on how silly I am has been a challenge, any minute my roommate will walk in to find me doing a hand stand against the wall and singing the Gilmore Girls theme song. . . or worse.

15.) I miss the wing back chair in my parents room that sits perfectly in the corner by the long window. I miss reading there in the sunlight. I miss how quiet that corner is, even though its quiet I don't feel cut off instead I feel so relaxed I sometimes fall asleep with my book laying in my lap hand still holding the pages open.

14.) I miss working with my old youth group! When I was a teenager I hated them! After that awkward stage and now more sure of myself I love sitting and talking with young girls and listening to what they feel about themselves. I loved getting to tell them how normal it is to feel curtain ways, and I love encouraging them!

13.) I miss the sunsets I see around my home. There is something gorgeous about the skies here and though I'm only three hours away the difference is still there. The way the clouds here turn into a master piece of pinks fading to purples or yellows to blazing golds that stopped my heart and reminded me how much God loves me! Some reason I don't see skies like that in Wake forest (maybe I'm not looking).

12.) I miss walking around in puddles after the rain! When the rain stops and the sun comes back out I love to go outside barefoot and walk in the puddles on the sidewalk and in the streets!

11.) I miss my small group! I miss my group of friends that got together once a week to study the bible. I really enjoyed spending my Thursday nights with a group of such wonderful people.

10.) I miss working with Martha! I miss chatting at work with my dear friend Martha, she encouraged me constantly and I loved her! I look up to her so much and really miss talking about books, the work place, relationships, and men! (Though both of us were as single as a dollar bill) I miss how deep she pushed me to think about things, even to the edge of being uncomfortable.

9.) I miss working with one of my best friends Jennifer! I miss going to her office and playing with the jade turtle that sat on her desk while we talked nonstop! I miss her fun loving and goofy, yet always stylish presence. I miss drooling over shoes, guys, and hand bags with her!

8.) I miss my private bedroom. I miss not being about to shut the door and be alone. Its hard sharing a room again. The need for private space is something I have always had, I think its why I love to drive so much now, its all the privacy I can get.

7.) I miss my front porch. I love reading and napping on the rocking love seat on the front porch. I love the privacy the Japanese maple gives it, and how pretty it is after a fresh spring rain, with the drops of water slip off the red leaves its so calming.

6.) I miss helping my dad work on his motorcycle in his "man cave" I really loved spending time with my dad getting covered in grease and oil, and brake fluid while he worked on his BMW LT and now his BMW GT.

5.) I miss going on motorcycle rides with my dad! I think its the closest feeling I have got to flying, and I love it! Speeding down the road the wind in my hear and listening to Coldplay Clocks is the best!

4.) I miss laying in my parents king size bed at night and watching t.v. with my family, dog included.

3.) I miss church! I miss the great worship time we have, and listening to my father preach. I miss the wonderful people from my church, people I love very much and people I thank God for.
2.) I miss my doggy Rascal! He is my little buddy who lays on my lap and loves me no matter what! I miss having him curled up by my side at night. I miss his excited barks as I come home, even when I was only gone a while. I miss watching him stretch on the glass door begging to be let out so he can come see me! I miss how soft he is to pet, and how much he looks like a rat when you give him a bath. I miss chasing him around after the bath so I can feel how fluffy he is!

1.) I miss my family! My Mom, Dad, and sister. I miss being with them and spending time with them. I miss my mothers comfort, they way she will still hold me as we watch t.v. I miss my dads smiles and hugs and our talks we have while working on bikes. I miss my sister and how we do the dumbest things that entertain us. I love where I am in life, but I love my family more, and I'm very happy God gave me them.

The Dorm Room

I finally came home and found what I needed to connect my camera to my computer! So I am Happy to say I have pictures of my dorm to post! I should tell you I have two covers for my bed, one is blue, and the other is brown and sage green. Very natural colors, easier to relax in! Right now I enjoy the blue, it reminds me of water. My roommate has a bit more bold colors going on. Hot pink! Plus almost every other color is on her striped cover. You can also see the table by my bed is neat, hers. . . not so much. Its alright, she keeps her mess on her side, and she cleans it often. I do wish I could paint my room, though I do believe it would create a fight for what colors. I kinda have a feeling she would paint it black, who knows. I think black would make our small space feel like a cell. I do like it though, the only thing I miss is privacy.

Wake Forest Coffee Company

It's One of those weekends I'm staying at the College. I'm doing the only thing I know to do..... go to the coffee house. Live music and such a variety of people it feels a little like a John Hughes film.

My Brothers friend has introduced him to a new musician by the name of Joanna Newsome, and for some reason I can't seem to get enough. The harp is smooth in contradiction to her harsh and shrill voice. I love it.

My week feels like it has lasted a whole month. It started with me having to sit through my three hour computer class alone. If anyone knows me they know I'm hopeless with a computer, I seem to stumble through a simple procedure with the grace of a hippo with a broken leg....

Some how I seem to make it work though.

Half the class is the lecture, and then the professor lets you decided wither you will stay and complete the assignment, or you can leave. I left. But not before the professor stops me to say with the most pitying look I have ever received "Go get some rest"

I was caught off by this, I always am. I have a firm belief that any comment that sounds remotely like "You look tired." Is a polite meaning for "You look terrible."

I turned to look him in the eye, knowing I must look pathetic and asked "Do I really look tired?"

The nodding head was enough to finish my good mood off for the day, It was over like Goldie Hawns youth. I can typically take these comments, however this certain type is my Achilles heel. I am glad I refuse to cry, though I felt some tears coming up.

While my week may not have started as smoothly as I would have wanted the middle was riddled with the constant running around that a college student is used to. Its this new hustle of life that has me stressed most. I'm still trying to come up with a good schedule so I wont feel like I'm fighting against a river.

I'm saying all this and I sadly I don't even have a job yet. I'm looking of course. I can't tell you how sad it is to be handed a job application and then told in a false apologetic tone that "I'm sorry while we are taking applications we are not hiring, but thank you and have a good day."

WHAT?!

As I walk away I can swear I hear the distinct ripping sound of paper, I can almost feel it.
Can you sue for false hopes?

The end of my week if mostly me making time for everything else except homework. I don't know why I avoid it so much, If only I did it as soon as it was assigned it would be so much easier, and I would have more time for the things I love to do.

Friday I had a blast with my brother! I really love being around him again. We messed around at his church watching The Office, who doesn't like this show?"

Then Jonathan called up a friend of his "Jay Jay" though I think I will call him "Jay". He plays the piano so wonderfully I could cry.

And so with Jonathan on the drums Jay on the piano, and me with a mic, we all seemed to bond over music!

Even more fun was the fact that Jay was into alot of the same music I was into. Never have I met anyone who loved Sigur Ros. We played Regina Spector songs, and Tori Amos, and I loved every second of it.

We are planning to sing at the College hosted "Coffee Shop" where the student life center gives free coffee and cheese cake plus live music. Hopefully all the strings will pull together and it won't fall through.

Time to leave, the live music while fun does not fit my mood well. As soon as I figure out my new camera I will post pictures of my dorm room, and the college.

So Far

This is my first Blog entry...ever. I made this Blog "The Road She's On" to report my college life. I am starting my first semester at the college at Southeastern in Wake Forest North Carolina. Truth is so far nothing much has happened there. I tend to be a bit of a loner, not that I don't enjoy company, in fact I love people very much, but if left alone I'm really quite okay.

Well since this is about my life at college I will let you readers (if there are any ha ha) know that I will be majoring in Missions. Which I am very happy about. If fifteen years ago you would have asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up I would have said missionary/rock star.

College so far has given me a strange mix of grieve to be alone, excitement to be on my own, and a complete and overwhelming fear that I am not as smart as I like to think!

I live on campus, in the girls dorm. The buildings name is Lolley Hall -- very fitting I thought-- and its an old dorm but I really like it. I like that even when its snowing outside my roommate and I keep the window open because of the furnace that is room 201. I like that there is a hall full of amazing crazy wonderful girls that really make Lolley a special place to be. Of course Lolley has its downs but really there are way more ups, even if I don't always remember it. I am glad God allowed me to come to this school, I'm very blessed.