Confessions of the Undated, Part Two

My life is not defined by any relationship I have, except my relationship with God. But it seems like there are harsh stigmas for any single female, especially, who is not constantly on the look out for "Mr Right" which seems to only allow us to find "Mr Right Now". There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship with good godly man, but I do have problems when it becomes an obsession and an idol. Why, dear sisters and brothers, do we build untouchable expectations in our heads, and then feel devastated when our goals can't be reached? In the words of Adam Duritz song "Hard Candy"
"You put your girl up on a pedestal. Then you wait for her to fall."

Why are we making each other jump through hoops? Surely we should just approach each other as friends, brothers and sisters in Christ, and treat each other as Christ would treat us. Others first and ourselves last.

I know it's hard for us because we are taught by culture that we should "Do what is right for us!" but this Post Modern culture is also drowning in suicide statistics, murder statistics, rape statistics, and depression is being diagnosed younger and younger. We are NOT supposed to follow these foot steps, so why do we follow them in view of relationships?

A good friend recently gave me some of the best advice I have ever gotten in view of relationships, don't focus on feelings, focus on truth. All about taking minds captive and not letting our image of the perfect person, or even our imagination over analyzing every word and movement a person makes. If we look at the truth in the situation we keep ourselves in the moment, more able to be free and honest with the person, and we can more easily live!

You don't have to have a man or woman to live! Find love in God, family, and friends! Do something for someone who is a stranger, and show them love! Then the people around you! Never look back with regrets! Love God with a burning passion that is irreplaceable! Stop Waiting!!!! Start running!

The race started the day you were born and your still waiting for "Mr. Right" at the starting line! Run, run, run! Find people who encourage you to keep moving and run with them! Then perhaps one day you may realize you have found someone who wants to run right beside you! But remember they are not the goal of your life.

I myself am at the first steps of letting go and living, I am criminal with my expectations! I am also victim to my expectations, for myself and others. Expectations have a sly way of taking us from actively living into dreaming and waiting.

And as a last little note remember, you are not defined by your relationship status. Single does not mean you are unlovable, ugly, stupid, or any other lie you want to tell yourself. Marriage will not turn you into a picture perfect you. But despite all we are, we do have a love who battled a world of sin, and died for us, because he would rather die for us than be without us. Live for Him, he is more than enough.

Confessions of the Undated, Part One

"Enough already! I want off this Roller Coaster from Hades!"..... yeah that's pretty much exactly what my heart has been shouting for a month or more!

I will never be able to understand the amazing amount of abuse we humans allow ourselves to be put through! Most of which is inflicted by our own person!

Truthfully I wish my heart could come with a Handbook...no better yet "Amy's Emotional Survival Guide." Sounds wonderful doesn't it? A "How To" chapter for every possible situation! Alas, dear friends, we are not so fortunate, the way our hearts learn is through trial and error. Sometimes we have to be drug through gravel to learn.

To be completely open (which is honestly one of the hardest things for a compartmentalizer like me to do) I suck at relationships with guys! When I was young I suffered a fair amount of harassment from the opposite sex, my experiences shaped my adolescent mind to believe awful lies about men, myself, and God.

I was afraid to get too close to any male of any age, I was paranoid that every man must have horrible intentions if he was trying to be nice to me. My heart, without me realizing it, was slowly crippling.

As a child I had fantasized about becoming a woman who was beautiful and confident, and every Disney movie I had watched portrayed the classic story line of a wonderful fearless man who would be gentle and bold. As my young eyes soaked in every sweet and tender moment flashing before me I did not realize that even the best fairy tale has a villain. Innocent, naive, and hopeful with middle child syndrome (desperate for attention) that was me, a perfect target. I would blindly trust anyone, I hoped for the best in all people. As I finally began to grow into a young woman, I was ecstatic, this was what I had been waiting for! And just like Little Red Riding Hood it didn't take long for the wolves to emerge from the forest.

By the end of that battle I was so worn out and burdened I practically had PTSD, I couldn't let go, and I couldn't heal. I was afraid of everyone.I was rattled, like a lion in a cage being teased. It did not take long before I started to blame myself for how I had been treated. Even God became a victim of my stigma. He was "male" in my mind, and He let it happen. I was hurt. So at that point I couldn't trust men, myself, and then I closed the door to God too.

Lonely was easy, lonely was safe..... Yet it is not good for man to be alone. I couldn't find happiness in my loneliness. I began to see myself in such a horrible light. Worthless, who could ever see anything special or beautiful in me? Stupid, no one would ever care about what I had to say or what I thought. Ugly, no one saw anything lovely enough to take the proper time to uncover my heart.

So I accepted that I would be single, because if I couldn't find someone to really take care of the heart I was trying to give them then I would trust it to no one. So I took the first steps into the world of the Undated.