It's been a good two weeks since I have been able to travel back home, this has been hard for my family and myself. School work and other promises have kept me from being able to.
Last weekend I stayed in "Wakesvegas" to sing with some friends at a gig for the local Wake Forest Coffee Company. That was amazing! Yes I was scared, and so what if the lyrics I held as I sang were shaking! It was a blast. Coming out of my shell just a little bit more, learning to take things as they come, like messing up Feist "Mushaboom" so bad we kinda had to laugh our way through it (no way were we going to stop and try to "start over").
For a long time I felt like life was easier alone, this can be true. Relationships are hard! Being courageous enough to try to talk to a stranger and put yourself out there for rejection is enough to make me frantic! And just how do you find a way to "break the ice!?"
There are about a million ways I'm sure, but everyone of us has personal strengths we should rely on.
Some people are natural charmers, and I'm not talking about the guys with the one liners.
"Hey baby! Your feet gotta be hurtin! Cause you been running around my mind all day!"
This is cheese, not charm.
Some have such outgoing personalities when they enter a room they own it! They beam such confidence that every person in the room wants to talk to them.
But sadly not everyone can "own" a room of people. Some of us have to rely on good old fashion kindness! There is a girl in my dorm who I have shared maybe two words with in passing, but I knew if we would just find a reason to talk we would be friends! Luck would have it she locked her keys in her car, she came into the community kitchen to ask advice on how to get her keys. I knew how to "pop the lock" with a coat hanger. I went outside and helped her for a good hour or so laughing and making jokes back and worth, until i ran to get someone I knew would be able to do it. We got the car unlocked with the help of a friend, and then watched Hidalgo.
Now we hang out as much as we can, and enjoy just sitting and talking about everything! She even made soy milk and let me have some! So good!
Reaching out is really hard, even scary, but good healthy relationships are worth it.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Learning and Haircuts
These last few days have been really crazy for me. For some reason my pattern here at college is to get so freaked out that I'm behind that I hurry and rush to do my work that's due within an hour. Here is the kicker though, it's never due!
I kill myself to get a project or paper complete, I stay up till two reading the book that's due then get up at five to keep reading it. I rush to class in a panic because as hard and fast as I read it wasn't enough time the book just had too much information. I sit down in my usual seat and like the panic stir around in my stomach. I glance around the room expecting to see my peers with the same "deer in head lights" shock but instead I see smiles! "Am I the only one who forgot to do the reading!?" pops in my head and I instantly label myself the class dunce.
Now, with my new title of dunce in place, I just have to wait for the teacher to stroll in and pass out a paper that I would have to sign my own failure. The door opens and in walks the always mellow professor. He looks over his wire glasses and smiles welcome to the class.
Here it comes, here it comes! In seconds I will be near tears from defeat. The professor prays, I pray even harder, then the class begins. It's a great class, and there is no mention of the reading. Surely at the end of class he will have that paper waiting for us to sign before we are allowed to leave.
The class ends, and I ask a classmate about the book, I have a whole week more before it's due! I have lost so much sleep over this book, and its a great book, but I have nearly let this overcome me! "No more!" I declare in my mind! No more will I put things off, no more will I forget the task that are due, I will be better. And I will be better right after I finish this paper I'm behind on....
I have decided to take charge of my time. I need to be a better steward with my time.
First I need to make time for personnal time with God. This is a struggle for me while attend a Christain College, sadly I have began to feel like this is all I do, from class to chapel to D-group to church. My thinking is flawed, because I spend so much group time in the Bible I have now sent my perssonal time with Him out the door. I need time with Him, I know He will help me sort out the rest of my time... why do I put Him aside so easily!
On another note my roommate cut my hair and she did an amazing job! It has really helped me feel a bit better about everything. I know God made me a pretty girl, it's just nice that others notice it too some times.
I kill myself to get a project or paper complete, I stay up till two reading the book that's due then get up at five to keep reading it. I rush to class in a panic because as hard and fast as I read it wasn't enough time the book just had too much information. I sit down in my usual seat and like the panic stir around in my stomach. I glance around the room expecting to see my peers with the same "deer in head lights" shock but instead I see smiles! "Am I the only one who forgot to do the reading!?" pops in my head and I instantly label myself the class dunce.
Now, with my new title of dunce in place, I just have to wait for the teacher to stroll in and pass out a paper that I would have to sign my own failure. The door opens and in walks the always mellow professor. He looks over his wire glasses and smiles welcome to the class.
Here it comes, here it comes! In seconds I will be near tears from defeat. The professor prays, I pray even harder, then the class begins. It's a great class, and there is no mention of the reading. Surely at the end of class he will have that paper waiting for us to sign before we are allowed to leave.
The class ends, and I ask a classmate about the book, I have a whole week more before it's due! I have lost so much sleep over this book, and its a great book, but I have nearly let this overcome me! "No more!" I declare in my mind! No more will I put things off, no more will I forget the task that are due, I will be better. And I will be better right after I finish this paper I'm behind on....
I have decided to take charge of my time. I need to be a better steward with my time.
First I need to make time for personnal time with God. This is a struggle for me while attend a Christain College, sadly I have began to feel like this is all I do, from class to chapel to D-group to church. My thinking is flawed, because I spend so much group time in the Bible I have now sent my perssonal time with Him out the door. I need time with Him, I know He will help me sort out the rest of my time... why do I put Him aside so easily!
On another note my roommate cut my hair and she did an amazing job! It has really helped me feel a bit better about everything. I know God made me a pretty girl, it's just nice that others notice it too some times.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Top Twenty Things I Miss While At College
20.) I miss the family room with satellite T.V. Which is funny because I don't watch much t.v. anymore, I would rather read. However not having the three t.v.'s where I can hold and control the remote has been very sad for me.
19.) The comfort of having a clean floor! Doesn't matter how hard, long, or endlessly I clean and sweep my thirty year old tile floor it will constantly be covered in dust and hair. . . This is a really hard thing for me since my favorite chair is the floor, not anymore. . . ew.
18.) A spotless bathroom. My bathroom in the dorm could be worse. Kaylen (my roommate) and I keep our side of the bathroom as clean as we can, but I don't want to take my time to clean someone else's personal mess. I even try to ignore the dirty dishes that are piled on one side of the counter.
17.) I miss having carpet! Sounds funny I know but it's amazingly true! I being a natural klutz do not like having to catch myself at least five times a day slipping around the tile that's slicker than ice.
16.) I miss the ability to be as obnoxious, loud, and purely insane as God made me to be! Having to pull back on how silly I am has been a challenge, any minute my roommate will walk in to find me doing a hand stand against the wall and singing the Gilmore Girls theme song. . . or worse.
15.) I miss the wing back chair in my parents room that sits perfectly in the corner by the long window. I miss reading there in the sunlight. I miss how quiet that corner is, even though its quiet I don't feel cut off instead I feel so relaxed I sometimes fall asleep with my book laying in my lap hand still holding the pages open.
14.) I miss working with my old youth group! When I was a teenager I hated them! After that awkward stage and now more sure of myself I love sitting and talking with young girls and listening to what they feel about themselves. I loved getting to tell them how normal it is to feel curtain ways, and I love encouraging them!
13.) I miss the sunsets I see around my home. There is something gorgeous about the skies here and though I'm only three hours away the difference is still there. The way the clouds here turn into a master piece of pinks fading to purples or yellows to blazing golds that stopped my heart and reminded me how much God loves me! Some reason I don't see skies like that in Wake forest (maybe I'm not looking).
12.) I miss walking around in puddles after the rain! When the rain stops and the sun comes back out I love to go outside barefoot and walk in the puddles on the sidewalk and in the streets!
11.) I miss my small group! I miss my group of friends that got together once a week to study the bible. I really enjoyed spending my Thursday nights with a group of such wonderful people.
10.) I miss working with Martha! I miss chatting at work with my dear friend Martha, she encouraged me constantly and I loved her! I look up to her so much and really miss talking about books, the work place, relationships, and men! (Though both of us were as single as a dollar bill) I miss how deep she pushed me to think about things, even to the edge of being uncomfortable.
9.) I miss working with one of my best friends Jennifer! I miss going to her office and playing with the jade turtle that sat on her desk while we talked nonstop! I miss her fun loving and goofy, yet always stylish presence. I miss drooling over shoes, guys, and hand bags with her!
8.) I miss my private bedroom. I miss not being about to shut the door and be alone. Its hard sharing a room again. The need for private space is something I have always had, I think its why I love to drive so much now, its all the privacy I can get.
7.) I miss my front porch. I love reading and napping on the rocking love seat on the front porch. I love the privacy the Japanese maple gives it, and how pretty it is after a fresh spring rain, with the drops of water slip off the red leaves its so calming.
6.) I miss helping my dad work on his motorcycle in his "man cave" I really loved spending time with my dad getting covered in grease and oil, and brake fluid while he worked on his BMW LT and now his BMW GT.
5.) I miss going on motorcycle rides with my dad! I think its the closest feeling I have got to flying, and I love it! Speeding down the road the wind in my hear and listening to Coldplay Clocks is the best!
4.) I miss laying in my parents king size bed at night and watching t.v. with my family, dog included.
3.) I miss church! I miss the great worship time we have, and listening to my father preach. I miss the wonderful people from my church, people I love very much and people I thank God for.
2.) I miss my doggy Rascal! He is my little buddy who lays on my lap and loves me no matter what! I miss having him curled up by my side at night. I miss his excited barks as I come home, even when I was only gone a while. I miss watching him stretch on the glass door begging to be let out so he can come see me! I miss how soft he is to pet, and how much he looks like a rat when you give him a bath. I miss chasing him around after the bath so I can feel how fluffy he is!
1.) I miss my family! My Mom, Dad, and sister. I miss being with them and spending time with them. I miss my mothers comfort, they way she will still hold me as we watch t.v. I miss my dads smiles and hugs and our talks we have while working on bikes. I miss my sister and how we do the dumbest things that entertain us. I love where I am in life, but I love my family more, and I'm very happy God gave me them.
19.) The comfort of having a clean floor! Doesn't matter how hard, long, or endlessly I clean and sweep my thirty year old tile floor it will constantly be covered in dust and hair. . . This is a really hard thing for me since my favorite chair is the floor, not anymore. . . ew.
18.) A spotless bathroom. My bathroom in the dorm could be worse. Kaylen (my roommate) and I keep our side of the bathroom as clean as we can, but I don't want to take my time to clean someone else's personal mess. I even try to ignore the dirty dishes that are piled on one side of the counter.
17.) I miss having carpet! Sounds funny I know but it's amazingly true! I being a natural klutz do not like having to catch myself at least five times a day slipping around the tile that's slicker than ice.
16.) I miss the ability to be as obnoxious, loud, and purely insane as God made me to be! Having to pull back on how silly I am has been a challenge, any minute my roommate will walk in to find me doing a hand stand against the wall and singing the Gilmore Girls theme song. . . or worse.
15.) I miss the wing back chair in my parents room that sits perfectly in the corner by the long window. I miss reading there in the sunlight. I miss how quiet that corner is, even though its quiet I don't feel cut off instead I feel so relaxed I sometimes fall asleep with my book laying in my lap hand still holding the pages open.
14.) I miss working with my old youth group! When I was a teenager I hated them! After that awkward stage and now more sure of myself I love sitting and talking with young girls and listening to what they feel about themselves. I loved getting to tell them how normal it is to feel curtain ways, and I love encouraging them!
13.) I miss the sunsets I see around my home. There is something gorgeous about the skies here and though I'm only three hours away the difference is still there. The way the clouds here turn into a master piece of pinks fading to purples or yellows to blazing golds that stopped my heart and reminded me how much God loves me! Some reason I don't see skies like that in Wake forest (maybe I'm not looking).
12.) I miss walking around in puddles after the rain! When the rain stops and the sun comes back out I love to go outside barefoot and walk in the puddles on the sidewalk and in the streets!
11.) I miss my small group! I miss my group of friends that got together once a week to study the bible. I really enjoyed spending my Thursday nights with a group of such wonderful people.
10.) I miss working with Martha! I miss chatting at work with my dear friend Martha, she encouraged me constantly and I loved her! I look up to her so much and really miss talking about books, the work place, relationships, and men! (Though both of us were as single as a dollar bill) I miss how deep she pushed me to think about things, even to the edge of being uncomfortable.
9.) I miss working with one of my best friends Jennifer! I miss going to her office and playing with the jade turtle that sat on her desk while we talked nonstop! I miss her fun loving and goofy, yet always stylish presence. I miss drooling over shoes, guys, and hand bags with her!
8.) I miss my private bedroom. I miss not being about to shut the door and be alone. Its hard sharing a room again. The need for private space is something I have always had, I think its why I love to drive so much now, its all the privacy I can get.
7.) I miss my front porch. I love reading and napping on the rocking love seat on the front porch. I love the privacy the Japanese maple gives it, and how pretty it is after a fresh spring rain, with the drops of water slip off the red leaves its so calming.
6.) I miss helping my dad work on his motorcycle in his "man cave" I really loved spending time with my dad getting covered in grease and oil, and brake fluid while he worked on his BMW LT and now his BMW GT.
5.) I miss going on motorcycle rides with my dad! I think its the closest feeling I have got to flying, and I love it! Speeding down the road the wind in my hear and listening to Coldplay Clocks is the best!
4.) I miss laying in my parents king size bed at night and watching t.v. with my family, dog included.
3.) I miss church! I miss the great worship time we have, and listening to my father preach. I miss the wonderful people from my church, people I love very much and people I thank God for.
2.) I miss my doggy Rascal! He is my little buddy who lays on my lap and loves me no matter what! I miss having him curled up by my side at night. I miss his excited barks as I come home, even when I was only gone a while. I miss watching him stretch on the glass door begging to be let out so he can come see me! I miss how soft he is to pet, and how much he looks like a rat when you give him a bath. I miss chasing him around after the bath so I can feel how fluffy he is!
1.) I miss my family! My Mom, Dad, and sister. I miss being with them and spending time with them. I miss my mothers comfort, they way she will still hold me as we watch t.v. I miss my dads smiles and hugs and our talks we have while working on bikes. I miss my sister and how we do the dumbest things that entertain us. I love where I am in life, but I love my family more, and I'm very happy God gave me them.
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